Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow
by april elaine
Summary: Barba has a slight crush on his coworker whom he got pregnant in an awkward one night stand. What could possibly go wrong? Or, the Barba is the father Amanda's baby, not Declan, AU that no one asked for.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N, I don't really know what brought this on, but enjoy, I guess?_

"Carisi knows."

'What? You told _him_?"

"I didn't tell him, he figured out. Apparently I've been a little off my game, and also I puked at a crime scene. Guess that was dead giveaway. Literally."

"Cute pun. But you've been… feeling unwell?"

She can tell he's struggling, and she waves her hand dismissively and then changes the subject. They've never been _close_ , per say, other than physically being so that one night, and expressing concern for the other's wellbeing felt weirdly out of bounds for them. It's not that they don't give a fuck about each other, it's just that they don't do it out loud. Her and Nick crossed that boundary from time to time, but her and Barba were not her and Nick. Nick is a close friend with whom she shared a volatile yet sincere relationship with, even if it was never clearly defined. Barba (calling him by his first name is foreign to her) is a coworker that pretends to have forgotten that she told him that she had been raped, and that she slept with once on a drunken whim about a month after Nick left.

Would it be better or worse if she had gotten pregnant by Nick instead? She changes her mind on that one about five times a day.

"Amanda."

She quirks her eyebrow. Her first name- he has her attention.

"Yes, Counselor?"

"Well, first of all, you don't have to call me counselor anymore. And secondly, I know that we aren't… we didn't plan this. I know I'm not your boyfriend. But if you need help with anything, or you need to take a step back from work-

"I can still do my job, Barba."

"I know you can. All I am saying is that I am here to help, and if there's anything that I can do for you, please let me know. Okay?

There's a significant pause, and then a half nod of her head, and then a "Liv knows, too."

Another subject change. He fights not to roll his eyes.

"Well, because she hasn't come barging into my office screaming at me and because we both still have our jobs, I'm going to go ahead and assume that you didn't tell her that I'm the one you're having a baby with?"

"Nope. Just told her that it wasn't Nick's."

"Damn it Amanda, that was our out," he half jokes, and it gets a laugh out of the blonde woman sitting in the chair across from him which makes him smile, because she has not been doing too much laughing lately. Not that he had noticed or anything.

"Oh please, Benson loves Amaro. If I hadn't told her that he wasn't the father, you and I both know that she would've called him up and told him to get his ass back to New York, and I know there's no ideal way to tell Olivia, but I don't think that's the way we really want the news to come out. Also, Nick would probably punch you in the face."

"Fair point, but I feel like it's either I get punched by Benson or I get punched by Amaro. And since Amaro doesn't work here anymore, that might make the whole ordeal a little easier on our department."

He's only playing around with the plotline in an attempt to lighten her up a bit, and to keep her receptive to him. They didn't talk about things unrelated to work very often prior to her pregnancy, and Amanda had always been fairly guarded with pretty much everyone, but he could tell that she had been avoiding him in the week or so since she had locked the door to his office and blurted out that they had managed to conceive a child. He understands that they're not dating, but they _are_ having a baby. Why not be friends, or at least try to be?

"How are we going to tell Liv?" she moans, and he internally cringes, because the last think he wants to do is upset her.

"We'll figure it out," he says, with as much soothing power in his voice as he can get away with without it being awkward, even though he's dead certain that _no_ , they will not figure it out, and that the department is going to go up in flames no matter how they go about this. He doesn't want her worry. She's the one carrying the baby, he can do the worrying for the both of them. (And yeah, he knows that it doesn't work like that, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't want to. Maybe he's been harboring a slight crush on Rollins for the past couple of months. So what?)

"No we won't."

"Yeah, you're probably right. We're most likely fucked."

She laughs at first, but then her smile retreats and her eyes start to look a little too wet. She's clearly embarrassed and starts to wipe at her eyes furiously.

"Hey," he says softly, grabbing her hand when she moves to get up from her chair. He gets the feeling that perhaps she's not thinking about them being fucked in the sole context of telling Olivia anymore, and that she's looking at the broader picture of the two of them actually having a child together. And yeah, they're kind of fucked there too, but he still doesn't want her to cry. (It's just a little crush on her, okay? It's no big deal.)

"I'm sorry," she mumbles quietly, and he quickly tells her not to be.

"Rollins, let me buy you lunch," he says, clearly without thinking, because her facial expression tells him that he's crossed one of their unspoken boundaries.

"We're friends," he quickly adds, "And I know that Liv's had you running around all day. You should eat."

"Barba-

"I'm not asking you out. As I said, we're friends. You get lunch with Fin and Carisi all the time."

"Yeah but that's-

"Rollins."

"Fine. Friends. Let go."

He is so, so gloriously screwed.


	2. Chapter 2

"Mr. Barba, I know it's not my place to ask-

"I'm not sure if I like where this going, Carmen."

"Is Detective Rollins alright? Are _you_ alright?"

"We're perfectly fine- why wouldn't we be?"

"Again, I know it's none of my business, sir, but last week she _did_ push into your office despite my protests, and then she locked the door and you two were in there for quite a while. And then yesterday you told me that you were expecting her, but it was just her alone and she locked the door again. You two have seemed… frazzled lately, too. I'm not fishing for details, I'm just concerned."

"Well, Carmen, I appreciate your concern, but I assure you that she and I are both fine."

"Alright then. I'm sorry for asking."

"Don't be. But… there is a slight situation. I beg of you not to mention this to anyone, especially not to anyone else in SVU, but if Rollins calls or comes in saying that she needs to speak with me, please let me know, even if I've told you that I'm not taking calls from anyone else at the time."

"Oh," Carmen gasps, a knowing glint in her eyes, "I see. Rest assured, Counselor, I will not let anyone know about you and Detective Rollins."

"No! No, Carmen, it's not what you think it is! Detective Rollins and I are _not_ seeing each other!"

But Barba's protests are fallen on deaf ears, as his secretary has already left his office. Groaning, he chugs the rest of what must be his fifth cup of coffee that morning. (When he was at lunch with Amanda the other day and she had complained about only being allowed to have one cup of coffee a day, he had offered to cut back on caffeine in solidarity with her, but they both had immediately burst out into laughter. ADA Barba only having one cup of coffee a day? That was never going to happen.) He briefly considers going after Carmen to get the idea of him having a torrid affair with his colleague out of her head, but really, what is he supposed to say?

 _It's not like that, Carmen. We're just having a baby together!_

Yeah, that's not going to make things any better. Besides, if he lets her believe he's involved with Amanda, she'll probably stop not-so-subtly encouraging him to "get out there." Well, he did "get out there" for one night, and it has resulted in a not-so-immaculate conception that will likely result in a major PR disaster for the entire NYPD. Carmen will be so proud when she finds out the truth.

The thing is, though, maybe he isn't as off put by the idea of him being romantically involved with Amanda as he should be. Not that he thinks anyone would or should be _off put_ by the prospect of dating Detective Rollins, per say, but he wishes that he could balk at the idea of it a little more. He feels like he's back in junior high, but yeah, he _likes_ her a little bit.

It's hard for him to recount exactly when it starts, but he knows when he realizes it. (And then stuffs it down and refuses to acknowledge it, but still.) It's fucked up, okay, it's _really_ fucked up and sad, but he realizes that he cannot keep writing off his slightly lingering eyes on the objective fact that Amanda Rollins is a beautiful woman when she's practicing her soon-to-be rejected testimony against the man that raped her. He expects to feel sad, to feel angry, to want to kill Deputy Chief Patton because after all, Amanda is one of their own, but something in the dropping of his gut tells him that he's in deeper with her than he wants to be. It's a horrible moment to realize such a thing, but it's not like he's ever going to have to tell her about it. They're never going to be together, she's never going to return his feelings, and she's never going ask.

Besides, even if she had somehow harbored feelings for him in the past, there is no way that the attraction is still mutual, or that she would have any idea that he was into her. Why, you might ask? Because of the extraordinary awkwardness that is the night they conceived a child.

It's a classic setup really. Two coworkers run into each other at a bar, both of them upset. Barba because he blames himself for losing a near impossible case, and Amanda is missing Amaro, though she definitely does _not_ admit that to Rafael. (She doesn't have to.) Neither of them are drunk, neither of them are perfectly sober.

She wasn't at the sentencing, so he asks if she knows the verdict, even though he knows that Fin or Carisi had to have told her.

" _You did the best you could. All the evidence was circumstantial. You know that, Barba."_

" _Perhaps. But I could've-_

" _Don't do that, Counselor. It isn't fair to yourself, and it isn't cute."_

" _Cute? You think I care about being cute, Rollins?"_

" _Well, I think you care about your suits."_

" _Not the same thing as cute."_

" _Look, I was just-_

" _Joking, I know. I'm sorry. I'm not exactly in the best of moods."_

" _Understandable. Listen, I'm sorry I wasn't in court today. I just… was dealing with some personal stuff."_

 _The alcohol and sour mood must inhibit his judgment, because the next words out of his mouth are "Olivia told me that Nick and Maria are back together."_

He remembers Amanda getting furious and him urgently trying to calm her down, and apologizing over and over again. He didn't want to cause a scene at the bar, but also, while it's the nature of their line of work that sometimes he's going to piss her off, he's never been a fan of it. Somewhere in between his rapid fire of his apologies he offers to take her home for a night cap, because that is the best peace offering his panicked mind can come up with, and to his surprise, she accepts. In hindsight, it's probably because she's embarrassed about yelling at him in public and just wants to get out of there. Still, they wind up back in his apartment, and the way she's looking at him alerts him that maybe Rollins is going to get more than just a free drink from him.

He doesn't want to sleep with her, well, he does, but he doesn't want it to happen like that. But he thinks that he's never going to have her the way he wants to, so what's the harm in just one night?

 _There's a lot of harm, actually, he thinks. They work together, and she's just upset about her ex and-_

 _Suddenly he tastes scotch, and it's not coming from his glass._

 _He did lose a case that day, maybe he deserves a win?_

 _He's upset, she's upset; it's a business transaction, really._

It would be a really good story if it wasn't for the fact that his holding back and attempting not to seem _too_ eager in an effort to hide is feelings for her hadn't ended up actually translating as him seeming _too_ restrained and not eager at all.

" _Barba, if you don't want to, we can stop."_

" _No need, Rollins."_

 _(And then he starts thinking about Amaro, and about how she probably never had to ask him if he wanted to stop, and that doesn't exactly help his performance, either.)_

So yeah, he thought about her ex-boyfriend while they fucked, and while it probably wasn't the _worst_ sex that either of them had, it definitely wasn't some of the best. He didn't really get to enjoy himself because he was in his head too much, which is a bit of tragedy considering that he's wanted to sleep with Rollins for a while and that night was his one, lone chance to do so.

Benson and Carisi come rushing into his office, yelling that maybe Yates isn't toying them, and that maybe Carl Rudnick _is_ a serial killer after all, and the thoughts of his feelings going deeper for Amanda than just wanting to have sex her are forcibly pushed to the back of his mind.

Rollins is pregnant and the Chief M.E. is a serial killer- it's the week that keeps on giving.

 _What._

 _The._

 _Fuck._

He pours himself another cup of coffee, inwardly mumbling an apology to Amanda. Yeah, he likes her and all, but he's definitely not making it out of all of this alive without caffeine.


	3. Chapter 3

So, maybe Amanda had (unintentionally) lied when she told Olivia that nothing was going to change now that she's pregnant. Amanda really, really wants to believe that somehow everything will magically stay the same, but she's coming to realize that her fantasy of normalcy is more or less a pipe dream. For starters, everything is suddenly so much harder. Being an SVU detective was never exactly an easy task, and she's used to late nights and early mornings, but as of roughly two weeks ago, it's especially hard to keep her eyes open and dead bodies make her want to puke. (That second part might be normal for the average person, but it's not for her.)

She remembers the lightheadedness and nausea setting in and her thinking that perhaps she's coming down with some sort of stomach bug. But then she doesn't begin to feel any better or any worse, and an app on her phone tells her that she's _late_ , and she just knows.

She takes four tests just to be fully sure, five if you count Yates smelling it on her, before she forces herself to tell Barba. Much to her surprise, he half sees it coming.

" _Well," he says after a long moment of petrifying silence, "I had begun to wonder about that."_

" _What? How?"_

" _You've been avoiding me these past few days, and you hadn't been doing that since we slept together, so why start now?"_

" _I had an idea," she says slowly, "But I didn't know for sure until this morning."_

" _I'm not mad," he assures her, "I would've wanted to be sure, too."_

Barba's a good guy, and for that she's endlessly thankful. He can be pompous, he can be ruthless, but she knows that he does the job he does because he _cares._ If you're sex crimes prosecutor, you either are unfeeling, or want to make a difference. Amanda knows that Rafael (it still feels weird to acknowledge that he has a first name that isn't "Counselor") falls into the second camp, even if he has a bit of an ego. Nick could have a bit of ego, she thinks, and then snickers- maybe she's into that. Except maybe not, because Nick and Rafael are really quite different, and she wouldn't describe herself as being _into_ Rafael.

Barba is a handsome man, and she would be lying if she said that she never found herself thinking _damn_ a couple of times at his daringness in court, but it's just never been like that between the two of them. She wouldn't exactly characterize their one night together as a fluke- she's hot, he's hot; she likes to occasionally mix business with pleasure, and she gets the vibe that he's the same way- but she wouldn't exactly characterize it as wholly meaningful, either.

Still, regardless of what that night did or did not represent, they're having a baby together. And that takes up its space on the laundry list of things that are changing despite Amanda's insistence that they wouldn't, as well. Even though it's 2015 and they don't have to get married, their relationship is still going to change. It's kind of hard to never talk to someone about anything other than work when you're pregnant with their kid.

As if on cue, she hears footsteps approaching her and breaking her out of her reverie. She doesn't have to look up to recognize them.

"Are you alright, Detective Rollins?"

There's no one around them, but they _are_ outside of a courthouse, so the "Detective" is probably a necessary precaution. Liv could walk by at any moment, and they still don't know how or when they're going to tell her, but they've both solidly agreed on not doing so by accident.

"Why wouldn't I be, Counselor?"

"Detective-

"I know, I know. I choked on the stand. Shouldn't you be mad at me?"

"Not really, it's half my fault. I should've foreseen that she'd ask you about how many times you visited Yates and prepared you for it. But you do know, Liv was concerned that I would be. She asked me to go easy on you, because _you have a lot going on right now_. As to what exactly is going on with you, she wouldn't say, but I think I have a pretty good idea."

They both laugh at that, despite the fact that the dramatic irony of Liv's comments could very well result in one or both of them losing their jobs, but when you're in SVU, you learn to appreciate dark humor. If you don't, you don't survive in the unit.

"Good God, I wonder what she's saying to Fin and Carisi. Carisi knows because he's figured it out, but Olivia's probably unintentionally convinced Fin that I'm gambling again."

"Maybe it wouldn't be the worst idea in the world to let Fin know?"

"Not yet. He's the only one who isn't treating me like an invalid… No offense, Counselor."

"None taken, Detective. But I don't think anyone views you as invalid, we're just-

"Yeah, you're all just trying to look out for me, I know. But you do know that you're still allowed to get mad at me, right? You can still yell at me for freaking out during my testimony if you want to me."

"Yes, I know I still can, but I don't want to in this particular instance. Don't worry though, Detective, I'm sure we'll still find each other going at each other's throats in these next couple of months. It's the nature of the job. Somethings never change."

She scoffs at that, and then frowns, because she's pretty sure that their propensity for going at one another is already starting to change. Will they still fight over work? Of course. But really, she thinks, Barba _should_ be mad at her for this one. He's still a hardass, but he's a little softer towards her, if only by the slightest amount. But that slight softening is still there, and she's not sure that she's a fan of it.

 _Things are changing._

"Rollins?"

"Oh sorry, must've drifted off there for a second."

"Okay…" he says suspiciously, keenly aware of the fact that there's something she isn't cluing him in on.

"I know you're not mad, but for what it's worth, I am sorry. I just… just because I can get Yates to talk to me doesn't mean that he's my friend. He's a serial rapist and killer. He disgusts me. He-

"I know that, Rollins. You don't have to prove it to me, and you shouldn't have to prove it to the jury, either. Rita's fighting dirty."

"When isn't she?"

"Fair enough. Still, I had no idea she was going to go there. It wouldn't be fair of me to expect you to have known. It's fine, now stop apologizing."

"It's not fine! What if I'm the reason we lose this case?"

"You're the reason there _is_ a case, Detective. If you hadn't gotten his name out of Rudnick, more women would be dying. Stop. Apologizing."

"I guess that's true."

"You guess? It is true. Don't argue with a lawyer, Rollins."

"Oh no, don't say that, because then in a few months I might not be able to argue with Carisi anymore."

"You've got me there. I'll rephrase: you can argue; I just advise you not to."

"You're really frustrating, you know that, right?"

"Of course I do. And while I'm already frustrating you, as far I know, you haven't been home for a significant period of time-

"Don't."

"You look exhausted. Please go home and get some sleep."

"Remember when you said you didn't think of me as invalid?"

"I don't think of you that way, I just-

"Listen, I've got to go find Carisi. We're going to listen to his autopsies of the vics, considering he never stops talking, maybe he let something slip. Have a goodnight, Counselor."

"Amanda," he calls out, but she's already gone.

Sure, he can be incredibly frustrating, but so can she. Their kid is going to be a piece of work.


End file.
